Who I am What I Believe

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Mothers Day Gift to My Mom

Mothers Day Gift to My Mom

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Your smile is what I see when I'm feeling down, afraid or just need to know how much you loved me. Mom, I never knew until you were gone how much you really did for me. I hope because I have done my best to live a good life, to remember all the things you have taught me in some way might slightly repay some of what you did for me because I know I can never repay it all. I know you would not expect it of me. 

I see so many things in this world these days mom that I wish I could change, I also remember what you would say to me when I felt this way, "Susan you can only do what you can do and leave the rest up to God." 

Mom, I never could imagine a world without you in it, when I realized how bad you were getting it made me angry. I'm not sure if I was mad at you, me or God. I had no idea how or if I could live life without you in it. I have to tell you, mom,  at one point when I couldn't stand to think about it anymore; I did what you told me to do, I prayed to God. I prayed that if I could not handle what was coming to please take me first. Within a blink of an eye, God gave me a slide show of Robert, Melissa, Robby and the grandkids. I then had my answer. I know you knew nothing about this because before you had to go to a nursing home I had to go in for Major Surgery on my heart. Funny thing was there was no thought in my head at all that I might not make it because God had already shown me I would live. I had to because I had to be there for you and my family like you were me all my life.

When November 17, 2016, came and the phone rang at 5:00 am waking me up and I heard the voice on the other end telling me you had passed, for a split second the world was totally empty, my mind and body felt hollow. I walked from the bedroom into the living room looking at Robert with a look I guess that told him what the news was about. I really didn't think I could go on with life. I didn't really see anything, I just kept walking until his arms wrapped around me then the slideshow played again it was then I knew somehow had to go on. 

I did what I had to do, I called all the people I needed to call, I finish up the loose ends to lay you to rest. There is one last thing you did for me that I wish to thank you for and that is for the strength you gave me to do those things.

I miss you so much but can remember the last hug you gave me in this world and that hug is always there when I need it. There's so much more I want to tell you mom and I will when I see you next.

I love you, mom thank you for watching over us.

Your Loving Daughter,
Susan

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